Living Intentionally

Brandon and I have been talking a lot lately about how we want to "live intentionally."  We feel like to this point, we have let life happen to us, rather than take steps toward building the life that we want.  (I will note here that the one thing we feel like we have absolutely done with intention and purpose is having our children. We do not feel as if they have in any way held us back from anything.  Indeed, if anything, it is that we haven't fully lived up to our responsibilities to them.)  We talk about the lifestyle we want to have, where we want to live, hobbies we want to have and talents we want to develop, etc. but when it comes right down to it we really haven't been great at setting and sticking to goals, deciding what steps we can take now towards having the life we want later.  We have just kind of always hoped it would come.  We have finally realized this and are taking some measures to change this.  From small things like me finally deciding it's time to tackle the art of making bread, (to help budget better, develop a hobby, and most importantly to become more self-sufficient) to becoming more serious about budgeting and career goals.

Whilst thinking about all of this I came across this post: Why I took My Kid's Toys Away {and why they won't get them back}  This really hit home to me.  Yes, partly because I could relate to the author's experience of having kids who whine for new things and don't help out come chore time, but more importantly because I felt like this was the answer to helping my children get a head start on what Brandon and I are just figuring out.  I find that my kids, (and I) are most often looking to be entertained.  We get "bored" and rather than find something worthwhile to do, we find some way to be entertained.  Not that life has to be all work and no play, but another part of this "living intentionally" that Brandon and I have talked about is being "producers" more often and less "consumers." Besides, not everything that takes some work to accomplish is lacking in fun.  We find that too often, we let the kids turn on the Wii, because there's no good reason to say no, or we turn on a video because we just need a bit of quiet, rather than direct them to activities that are enriching and skill-building or strengthen our family relationships, but take a bit of work on Mom and Dad's part.  I also felt like this was the way to achieve some changes around the home that we had always talked about, but haven't been consistent about maintaining.  

I also want to instill in them that acquiring things is not what leads to happiness.  Maybe this above all else.  I think it is human nature to think that once we have x,y, or z life will be so much easier, we will be happier, we will have "arrived."  It simply isn't so.  Life is what you make of it and you choose your own happiness.  To this end, we've been working over the last few years to get rid of things we don't need.  This was largely started by me not wanting to pack all of our crap as we move around following Brandon's job, but as we realized how much we didn't miss all of that stuff, we've come to value having things that we actually use and less that is superfluous.

Teaching responsibility was a big reason for moving forward with this as well.  The boys are great at cleaning up and helping out.  They know what the family routine is and what their part entails.  I haven't been quite as good at teaching the girls.  It's silly really.  I know that kids learn so quick once you just take the time to show them how to do a task but sometimes that week of making a bed or teaching to put things where they belong at a toddlers pace while missing out on time that could be accomplishing another task is frustrating to me.  It really just makes things harder in the end though and I know this.  This post felt like the answer to so many missing pieces lately that I was excited to try it out.

Previously our kids' toys had all been downstairs in our extra living room.  We don't have two sets of living room furniture, so it was just a toy room.  This was a bad thing, because the only other used space in our basement is the boys' bedroom.  I never have another reason to go down there, (and usually don't) and it was most often a free-for-all for the kids when they did.  The girls especially would make a game out of tossing every toy willy-nilly all over the room and then were impossible when it came time to clean up.  It was my own fault and I knew it.  I've always known too that a play area is best when it is near where I spend the majority of my day, not only so I can supervise better, but also because that is naturally where the kids want to be too.  So I knew that the implementation of all of this not only had to make more of their toys inaccessible, but that the ones left out had to be more accessible.  (The stairs are closed off by a baby gate for Noah, so the girls couldn't come and go as they pleased.)

We spent the best part of the next day organizing our toys.  We threw out a few things that were broken or really just junk and the rest were organized into the spare room that we have downstairs.  This room has a lock on it, so it is ideal for storing toys where the kids couldn't get to them.  I then let each of the girls pick a toy, and we brought them upstairs to this:

Lucky for us, the upstairs living area is spacious, and we've always had this extra space behind the couch.  It was just the bookshelf here before.  We cleared two of the shelves of our books, and moved the kids' books up here.  I wish we had done this so much sooner!  I have always felt that it is best to have kids' books at the ready, but we haven't always been great at sharing our "grown-up" space with them.  I was so glad to move the toy kitchen up as well!  It was a toy I played with and loved as a little girl, and just before Emma was born I refinished it.  Ever since we moved to Kansas I felt like it's just been tucked away and it was so fun to bring it up and give it a place to be displayed.  This is where we will store the toys of the moment.  Right now it has the girls' Duplos that they got for Christmas, a few trucks, and a couple of princess dresses.  Also a pop-up toy for Noah.  We also added in the kids' table because we thought it would make the space nicer and more inviting for the kids.  We also hope that it makes a clear space that kids' things belong, so that toys are easily played with without being dragged all over the house.  The toys in the kitchen will be rotated with what is downstairs as often as we feel is necessary so that they continue to hold interest without being overwhelming.

Before you start thinking that our poor children are deprived, this is not exclusive of everything fun.  Puzzles, crayons, and games are where they always have been, close by in closets where only Mom can reach.  And if you're wondering about the boys, this is also not as much for them.  They are old enough that 1) they're more responsible anyway and 2) the toys they are interested in, (snaps circuits, legos and the like) aren't suitable for being in the girls' reach anyway and are already stored either in their room or for the most part, where the girls' games and puzzles are.

Now, I know that this was all accomplished only a few days ago so it is still a novelty, but so far the kids love it!  Even the boys.  The girls are most often found in this little nook.  They seem to love having a space of their own that is still right in the middle of things.  The boys have been reading for fun more often than they have of late, (Parker usually reads before bedtime, but I have been hard pressed to get Drew reading other than his schoolwork during the day until now and while Paige has loved reading, her books weren't accessible to her).  It was also really handy today to have the little girls engaged in playing out of our hair when we got back into the swing of our schoolwork today.

Another thing that I have noticed and hope will continue, is that the kids are asking for puzzles and games more often than they used to.  They are playing with the few toys for a long time, but when that is done, they are thinking first of these than of the toys downstairs.  I'm also hoping that this will help me to be better at engaging them in this type of play or active outdoor play when the weather is warmer, rather than turning on convenient electronic means of entertainment.

It has also really really helped the girls keep their room clean.  No toys were supposed to be kept in their room before, but they would always creep up, and because they couldn't easily get to them downstairs before, I was usually a sucker for letting them clutter up in there.  Now that all there is to do is make their beds and pick up clothes, it seems much more manageable for little hands to do, and I haven't had any complaints when it is time to do so.

I am so excited about this change!  I really don't know why we haven't done something like this before.  We've read and discussed things like this before, but it was almost like it took me seeing how someone in real life actually went about implementing it before I felt it was manageable.  In the end while it took time, it really wasn't all that much work, and the simplicity of it all makes for a happier home and space that is well-used.

Along the same lines, I found this post the day after we got done.  If anyone needs some organization ideas, this post was great as well!  Principles of an Organized Playroom at Modern Parents Messy Kids.

Mother's Day 2013

I sincerely hope that every woman I am lucky enough to be acquainted with had a wonderful Mother's Day.  Whether you have children or not, you love and nurture others.  Being a woman is a hard job sometimes.  But it's the best job!  Speaking of which.....sometimes I think we make the job harder on each other and ourselves.  We compare ourselves far too often.  We're either getting down on each other for not doing things "right" or we're getting down on ourselves for not being "enough."  We seek security in sameness.  But who ever said that we all had to be the same?!  We're certainly not born the same.  We are all individuals with different strengths and weaknesses.  We were never meant to have exactly the same life experiences.  So why in the world would there be one right way to do everything?  So whether you're the super clean mom, the super fun mom, the super healthy mom, the super frugal mom, the super crafty mom, or for goodness sake, the mom who's just hanging on by the seat of her pants for the wild ride, (ME!) celebrate YOU!  YOU ARE FANTASTIC!!!  It's a hard enough job without the comparisons.  Let's build each other up a little more often.  I promise, there's someone you know who could use a "great job!" a lot more than some well meant advice.  ;)

Ahem....I'll get off my soapbox now and show you some adorable pictures of my children from yesterday.  We had a lovely day.  We went to church together and spent the afternoon enjoying each other's company.  We had the missionaries from our church over for dinner, and then my husband and I spent the evening alone watching our favorite show before bedtime.

I'm not sure why I didn't get any pictures of Parker during our makeshift family game of baseball....probably because he can actually play and therefore wasn't as funny looking as his sisters.  Drew had thrown a fit and didn't want to play after he was tagged out.  So no pictures for him.

So far, all the girls in the house are still excited to play sports with their big brothers.  But Paige has to do it with her purse on.  ;)

And Claire is just too stinking cute for words.  She's quite the little player.

Emma was hilarious.  She hit the ball, then ran in a straight line toward second base and kept on running in spite of our protests.  They were short-lived anyway because we were all too busy laughing at how cute she was.  I'm not sure how long she ran before she realized she was no longer part of the game and decided to come back!  Don't worry, those chubby little legs would never make it to the end of the field before we could get to her.

This is the view from the back porch.  No, the whole field isn't ours.  About where that pole is behind Claire is the end of the property that we rent.  The field belongs to the school, but it's rarely used, so the kids are usually free to romp and play as they please.  So fun.  I'd meant to get kites to fly on Mother's Day, but completely forgot!

Now I get to brag on my man.  This was my Mother's Day gift.  A new fancy pants bag for my camera!!  Have I told you before what a great gift giver he is before?!  The first Mother's Day we had together, when we were engaged, he got me a framed print of the Salt Lake City Temple where we were married, and said the sweetest things to me about being his wife and the mother of his future children and how he wanted to treat me.  He always knows just what to get, and just what to say.  He pays great attention to detail too.  He knew the EXACT camera bag I had shown him probably a year ago.

Isn't she purty?

Hoping your Mother's Day was as fabulous as mine!!!

Moments Like These...

I get that our family is a little unusual...and that we can be a shock to most people meeting us for the first time. But wow. I don't think that anyone really has any idea how often we hear things like, "My you've got your hands full!" or "Are they all yours?" or "You must be really patient," (with the glassy eyed look that really means that they think I'm nutso.....or soon to be driven so). There's also the diatribe most middle-aged women will give me about how I should enjoy it all now, because it goes by so fast.....and they're lonely now....but man! They're sure glad they only had 2. My personal favorite is the repeated startled look that comes when they first notice the two boys, with an exclamation of "Oh!" wondering how close in age they could possibly be; then their eyes find little miss Paige, who is small enough to be hardly noticeable at first, with another "Oh!" Then another "Oh!" when their eyes land on Claire sitting like a princess on her throne in the shopping cart seat, and then an exclamation of, "Oh my!" when they notice my pregnant belly and you can practically see the gears turning furiously in their heads as they work to calculate whether or not these 4, (soon to be 5) small children can possibly really be all mine. I kid you not, every time we leave the house we get at least one of these. Now, I know that these perfect strangers who find themselves at liberty to comment openly on my personal fertility choices are well-meaning. In fact, in some strange way, they're usually trying to pay me a compliment for my fortitude in the mothering arena. But that compliment always comes with that note of surprise that also denotes a certain amount of doubt or criticism. Maybe I'm far too sensitive....or reading too much into it all. Probably so. Forgive my little rant here, because it's just getting old. Maybe it's the end of pregnancy hormones? Because while I smile and nod and reply with some good-natured joke at my own expense, what I'd really love to do is shout out that these people don't know what they're missing out on!! Now really folks, I'm not saying that this is for everyone, or that I expect anyone else to do things my way or want what I have. Or that there aren't others out there who would do the same if they had the chance. But is it so hard to believe that I do this because I love it? Because the rewards completely blow the challenges out of the water? Because I live for moments like this:

Earlier this week the older kids were playing dress ups. And they felt it an urgent need for Claire to be included as well....so they begged for me to put some butterfly wings on her. And then they "ooh"ed and "ahh"ed over how cute she was and sat and hugged each other and begged to have their pictures taken together.

They couldn't get enough of how cute they all were together, and they kept wrapping their arms around each other for more pictures, (which by the way totally don't do the moment justice).

This seriously went on for about 20 minutes.....and ended with disappointment when I put the camera away.

And then there are the times when they're just watching a show....but find some cute way to cuddle up together, and then Parker starts telling me how much he loves to snuggle with Paige.

I've got to tell you....for all the times she has to cry a few extra moments because mama simply can't do it all at once, I think this little butterfly princess is one lucky girl. Because every time she takes a turn at walking down the hall holding on to mama's hands, she's got 3 extra cheerleaders behind me telling her she's such a big girl!

And every time she does a new trick she's got 3 extra people to exclaim with surprise at what a smart girl she is. 3 Extra people that love on her and smother her with kisses all day. Yes, she sometimes gets a little tough love.....and those 3 extra helpers do their share of bossing her around and taking toys away from her....but given her apparent desire to be in whatever room the big kids are playing in, I think it's safe to say she loves it all.

These moments are not rare. They happen multiple times a day in fact. But they're often so spontaneous, the camera couldn't capture it even if I had it constantly at hand. And it wouldn't do them justice anyway. They're the kind of moments you just soak up and enjoy and tuck away in the memory bank.

Moments like earlier today when Parker, Drew and Paige were racing to the sprinkler on the lawn and I hear Parker shout out, "Parker and Andrew are the winners! And Paige is too!" when he clearly beat them both by several strides.

Moments like last night when after tucking Andrew and Paige in bed I hear repeated whisperings of, "I love you Andoo" and "I love you too Paige."

I can't help but get the feeling that even though each of my children get slightly less of me due to the fact that they have each other.....that having all that extra love and support more than makes up for it. That all the ways they have to share and stretch and learn and grow and do without will serve them well throughout their lives and that through it all they'll have each other for support and love. And that that is something so worth it.

With the due date for number 5 rapidly approaching....this is the most prevalent thought on my mind. I'll admit, this due date has come at me fast. And I'm not feeling quite ready. But it's not because of any feelings of apprehension or concern for the added chaos one more will bring to our family. Truly. Any time such a thought has been brought to my mind it is quickly swept away by the feelings above. I have had such an overwhelming feeling lately that what we are doing is so right for our family for all of the reasons previously named. I've felt so many moments of peace lately pointing out the fact that this is what Heavenly Father wants for our family. No, the feeling of not being ready honestly comes from the fact that I can't believe how fast all of these special times go by. How even though I've been pregnant so often each time has been distinct and special. They don't just run together into one long pregnancy fog. And even though I marvel at every new stage and love the little people my babies are turning into, I feel the bittersweetness that comes with seeing how quickly it's all gone by. The not feeling quite ready comes from knowing that in just 3 short weeks, this new little baby will be here in my arms...not kicking my belly. And a few short weeks from that won't have that brand-new newborn look anymore. And a quick year from that she'll be walking and talking and trying to keep up with the bigger kids. I know I'll love it all....but I'm just soaking it all up while I can. Because I know that as much fun as every stage will be, this one will be over before I know it.

Thoughts Approaching "D" Day

Because of our situation with Daddy being out of town, the birth of our precious Baby Claire has been planned. Call me crazy; He's only four hours away, but there is just something that puts me into a panic thinking about even the chance of going through a labor and delivery without my best friend, epidural or no. That day is one month from today, and lately it's all I can think about.

Each one of my children's birth days is so special to me. I have the most horrible memory in the world. I can't tell you what I did on Monday of this week, and I can never remember the date, but I can tell you every minute detail of each of the days my babies were born.

I look forward to this special day, but I'm also anxious. If you think that having four kids in four years sounds crazy, think about the view from where I'm sitting. But I KNOW that Baby Claire is supposed to be coming to us now, as all of our children have come exactly when they were supposed to have. She has already stolen a special place in my heart and made it her own, without having met her yet.

I read this post today, and it reminded me what a privilege and responsibility it is to be a mother. That some of the most important things we do are often the ones we overlook. It has motivated me to do better. To more often put aside my own wants of having a nap, or a little blogging time, or a nicer wardrobe, (you get the picture) and put my family first. To make sure that our home is clean and orderly, yet comfy and cozy so that it's the first place my family wants to be. To put aside my vanity for frugality so that I can continue to stay home and love my littles for the too-short time I can call them mine. To be a better example so that my girls will know that their role is important and not mundane. So that they will be proud of it, instead of frustrated by it. So that my boys will honor it the way my husband does.

I also read this post not too long ago, and it got me thinking about how hard mothers are being attacked right now. Mainstream media would have us believe that not only is it impossible to live up to the "supermom" ideal of long ago, but that we shouldn't want to anyway. That in doing so we're somehow being stepped on or taken advantage of, so we should all cry out in protest and think more about "me". I am not trying to say that we shouldn't be realistic in our expectations, and that we shouldn't also take care of ourselves........BUT.....I truly, truly believe that women were given this specific role because it is the best way for us to learn to be like our Savior. To be selfless, to sacrifice, to find joy in serving and loving others. Therefore, we should try a little harder. We should whine a little less, smile a little more, and scrub that toilet with a little more enthusiasm. I know that this is something I've had to work on, and I still have a long way to go......but in the long run, I have never gotten more joy out of any other aspect of my life than that of my role as a wife and mother. Nobody has ever made me feel more special than my husband or children, and I know it is worth it to work harder for them and get that special feeling in return.

A New Routine

We tried something today that I think may become the new "norm" at our house. Brandon wasn't going to be home for dinner, so I made "dinner" for lunch, (he's almost always home for lunch.....lucky us!) and I thought that the boys and I could just have something small later. I loved it! Rather than spending the morning cleaning the house only to mess it up again later making dinner, it's over and done with. And you know how dinner is....for a stay at home mom, it's one of the big to-do's of the day. One more crossed off, and now I have the afternoon to myself while the kids nap! Those of you who can't do this.....envy me. It feels so nice.

As a side note, remember that homemade laundry soap I was going to try? LOVE IT! It cleans every bit as good as the stuff I bought before, (Surf powder....I'm a cheapie) and it costs me..........are you ready for this? A PENNY PER LOAD! That is assuming that the borax powder and washing soda boxes really have four batches worth in them, but hey, even if I'm off by a bit, maybe it will be five cents. I can still live with that. And it was so easy to make. It took about fifteen minutes, but only about five of that was actively doing anything. So go ahead....try it. It will save you money, and it's kind of fun to say you make your own laundry soap. ;)

As a wrap up for the grocery challenge, I think that I'm going to stick with $75 a week for good. I've learned a lot this month and for the first time last night, I went to the grocery store and didn't stress at all. I bought diapers that I didn't need yet because they were on sale, I bought a few little extras, (like a night-light for Parker and a new drain plug for the bathtub) and I didn't stress over whether or not we really needed paper towel or could we make do without? And guess what? I got everything I needed and more and was $10 under budget. It was so nice. By the way, if any of you know how to, or know where I can find a tutorial for homemade yogurt, let me know! I'd love to try it. I hear it's super tasty and cheap.

A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

Every morning when I open the curtains I say to Parker, "Oh, another beautiful day in the neighborhood!" (Yeah, I grew up on Mr. Rogers.) This morning, I was lost in my thoughts as I was doing my usual "thing". Thoughts of all the things I need to do before we go out of town this weekend, what to cook for breakfast, the mountain of laundry I have, a neighbor I want to check on.......the list goes on. When I didn't say the usual, Parker asked, "Mom, is it a beautiful day in the neighborhood?" Looking around at my three beautiful kids, even with the clutter of trains, blankies, and dirty dishes, and a long list of to-dos, I'm grateful for this reminder. It is a beautiful day in the neighborhood. I hope it is for you too.

Kicking My Rear in Gear

My life has been in need of some major organization lately......I must say, I think I've come a long way, but there is still room for much improvement. I started out as a working mom who never did anything around the house if I could avoid it because I was too exhausted after work and school, (think stinky dishes in the sink until we didn't have any more clean ones!) then moved on to the stay at home mom who didn't have a clue and would sit around watching Judge Judy for hours at a time, (hey we only had two channels). I've made some big strides since then and for the most part our house is always clean and my family has three square a day homemade by yours truly.....but it's still a bit chaotic making it all happen. I have way too many of those days where we're all in our jammies until lunch and I know Brandon's going to walk in and wonder what we've all been doing all morning; or days where I know I've been working my rump off, but can't really figure out doing what, and why is the house still a wreck?!

So here's a couple of things that have helped. I need routine. If I know exactly what I need to do, no excuses, it's more likely to get done. A couple of changes we've added to our day......devotional, and morning routine. Now I know when I explain this some of you are going to be thinking, it's taken you three years to start doing this with your kids?! But hey....I'm just keeping it real.

Devotional: every morning as soon as Dad leaves for work, the kids and I sit down together, sing an opening song, have an opening prayer, discuss a scripture story, (usually from the Gospel Art Kit) sing again, and have a closing prayer. This will hopefully someday morph into their own personal scripture study. Again, I know it sounds simple....but this makes the start of our day so much more peaceful. It gives me the oomph I need to look at all that I need to get done in a more positive light. And it has made a huge difference in the boys. It starts them off on the right foot as well. They have learned so much in the few weeks we've been doing it, and I've noticed an improvement in their behavior. (You may also be wondering, why devotional, rather than scripture study? With Parker, a fancy name makes anything more exciting.)

Morning routine. Again, simple, but so much more efficient. As soon as devotional is over we troop off to the bathroom and the boys brush teeth, and wash faces. Then it's time to get dressed and make beds and do any other "pick-up" in their room that needs to get done. What makes this different than before? It's done by 8:30 for sure, rather than whenever we get around to it. There's no complaining, it's just what we do. And the boys have learned to take an active part. They take their dirty clothes to the hamper, not me. They do the pickup, not me. This makes my day so much less hectic. Rather than wondering where to start....it's laid out for me, and I have help too!

After that, it's free time while Mommy does her "morning routine" of getting dressed and doing a general cleanup of the house. Then each day we make sure to do at least one physical activity and one educational activity. Things as simple as go to the park or the library. Read books, fingerpaint....etc. You get the idea. It may not sound like much, but once I get the basics out of the way, the rest of the day falls into place so much easier. Any ideas or suggestions for physical or educational activities? What makes your day easier?

Now this is just a start. I still have trouble with the big once-a-week type chores. Laundry is usually a three day process unless I'm feeling really motivated to sit down and fold and put everything away the same day it's washed.....almost never. The bathrooms go a little extra long because I don't have a set day to do it, and I find myself thinking hey, they don't look that bad.....until they do. Mopping the floor is the one thing I don't have too hard of a time with, only because I have to at least spot mop after every meal with my kids. ;) So I've been trying to think of a way to make all of this routine as well. In a flexible, "I have three kids and life happens" kind of way. I need to be able to rearrange if something comes up, but still be accountable for what got skipped. I'm thinking.....(maybe this is totally dorky) about a magnet board. Each magnet would be labeled with either daily or weekly chores and would be organized in a very visible way, (making me accountable, and also able to easily visualize what needs to be done, and what can realistically be accomplished) but a way that can be rearranged if necessary. Too much? Any better ideas? To go along with this, I'm thinking of ripping off this idea that I found on Apron Girls. Check it out. Don't forget to leave your suggestions in the comments!