Moments Like These...

I get that our family is a little unusual...and that we can be a shock to most people meeting us for the first time. But wow. I don't think that anyone really has any idea how often we hear things like, "My you've got your hands full!" or "Are they all yours?" or "You must be really patient," (with the glassy eyed look that really means that they think I'm nutso.....or soon to be driven so). There's also the diatribe most middle-aged women will give me about how I should enjoy it all now, because it goes by so fast.....and they're lonely now....but man! They're sure glad they only had 2. My personal favorite is the repeated startled look that comes when they first notice the two boys, with an exclamation of "Oh!" wondering how close in age they could possibly be; then their eyes find little miss Paige, who is small enough to be hardly noticeable at first, with another "Oh!" Then another "Oh!" when their eyes land on Claire sitting like a princess on her throne in the shopping cart seat, and then an exclamation of, "Oh my!" when they notice my pregnant belly and you can practically see the gears turning furiously in their heads as they work to calculate whether or not these 4, (soon to be 5) small children can possibly really be all mine. I kid you not, every time we leave the house we get at least one of these. Now, I know that these perfect strangers who find themselves at liberty to comment openly on my personal fertility choices are well-meaning. In fact, in some strange way, they're usually trying to pay me a compliment for my fortitude in the mothering arena. But that compliment always comes with that note of surprise that also denotes a certain amount of doubt or criticism. Maybe I'm far too sensitive....or reading too much into it all. Probably so. Forgive my little rant here, because it's just getting old. Maybe it's the end of pregnancy hormones? Because while I smile and nod and reply with some good-natured joke at my own expense, what I'd really love to do is shout out that these people don't know what they're missing out on!! Now really folks, I'm not saying that this is for everyone, or that I expect anyone else to do things my way or want what I have. Or that there aren't others out there who would do the same if they had the chance. But is it so hard to believe that I do this because I love it? Because the rewards completely blow the challenges out of the water? Because I live for moments like this:

Earlier this week the older kids were playing dress ups. And they felt it an urgent need for Claire to be included as well....so they begged for me to put some butterfly wings on her. And then they "ooh"ed and "ahh"ed over how cute she was and sat and hugged each other and begged to have their pictures taken together.

They couldn't get enough of how cute they all were together, and they kept wrapping their arms around each other for more pictures, (which by the way totally don't do the moment justice).

This seriously went on for about 20 minutes.....and ended with disappointment when I put the camera away.

And then there are the times when they're just watching a show....but find some cute way to cuddle up together, and then Parker starts telling me how much he loves to snuggle with Paige.

I've got to tell you....for all the times she has to cry a few extra moments because mama simply can't do it all at once, I think this little butterfly princess is one lucky girl. Because every time she takes a turn at walking down the hall holding on to mama's hands, she's got 3 extra cheerleaders behind me telling her she's such a big girl!

And every time she does a new trick she's got 3 extra people to exclaim with surprise at what a smart girl she is. 3 Extra people that love on her and smother her with kisses all day. Yes, she sometimes gets a little tough love.....and those 3 extra helpers do their share of bossing her around and taking toys away from her....but given her apparent desire to be in whatever room the big kids are playing in, I think it's safe to say she loves it all.

These moments are not rare. They happen multiple times a day in fact. But they're often so spontaneous, the camera couldn't capture it even if I had it constantly at hand. And it wouldn't do them justice anyway. They're the kind of moments you just soak up and enjoy and tuck away in the memory bank.

Moments like earlier today when Parker, Drew and Paige were racing to the sprinkler on the lawn and I hear Parker shout out, "Parker and Andrew are the winners! And Paige is too!" when he clearly beat them both by several strides.

Moments like last night when after tucking Andrew and Paige in bed I hear repeated whisperings of, "I love you Andoo" and "I love you too Paige."

I can't help but get the feeling that even though each of my children get slightly less of me due to the fact that they have each other.....that having all that extra love and support more than makes up for it. That all the ways they have to share and stretch and learn and grow and do without will serve them well throughout their lives and that through it all they'll have each other for support and love. And that that is something so worth it.

With the due date for number 5 rapidly approaching....this is the most prevalent thought on my mind. I'll admit, this due date has come at me fast. And I'm not feeling quite ready. But it's not because of any feelings of apprehension or concern for the added chaos one more will bring to our family. Truly. Any time such a thought has been brought to my mind it is quickly swept away by the feelings above. I have had such an overwhelming feeling lately that what we are doing is so right for our family for all of the reasons previously named. I've felt so many moments of peace lately pointing out the fact that this is what Heavenly Father wants for our family. No, the feeling of not being ready honestly comes from the fact that I can't believe how fast all of these special times go by. How even though I've been pregnant so often each time has been distinct and special. They don't just run together into one long pregnancy fog. And even though I marvel at every new stage and love the little people my babies are turning into, I feel the bittersweetness that comes with seeing how quickly it's all gone by. The not feeling quite ready comes from knowing that in just 3 short weeks, this new little baby will be here in my arms...not kicking my belly. And a few short weeks from that won't have that brand-new newborn look anymore. And a quick year from that she'll be walking and talking and trying to keep up with the bigger kids. I know I'll love it all....but I'm just soaking it all up while I can. Because I know that as much fun as every stage will be, this one will be over before I know it.