Womanhood

I was asked to speak in our ward's sacrament meeting program today on womanhood.  As this is a topic near and dear to my heart, I thought I'd share my thoughts here in this space.

I am speaking on Womanhood today, but I don't want anyone to assume that this topic doesn't apply to them.  As sisters, whatever stage of life we are in, we can improve and encourage one another; particularly younger generations.  Brethren, you need to be supporting and encouraging these values in your wives, daughters, and granddaughters.  Young women, you need to be developing these traits and young men, you need to be supportive of these in your friends, and looking for these in your future spouse.

President James E. Faust, in April 2000 General Conference gave an address titled "Womanhood: The Highest Place of Honor."  He quoted a statement from the First Presidency during the time of Heber J. Grant that said, "The true spirit of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints gives to woman the highest place of honor in human life.  To maintain and to merit this high dignity she must possess those virtues which have always, and which will ever, demand the respect and love of mankind....[because] 'a beautiful and chaste woman is the perfect workmanship of God.'"

When I think of the virtues which have always and will ever demand the respect and love of mankind, I think of charity, the pure love of Christ.  We follow the Savior, not out of coercion, but because of his perfect love.  In Moroni 7:46-47, we read, "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth.  Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail- But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him."  And just before that in verse 45, we get a description of charity, "And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things."

President Faust also said, "I wonder if you sisters fully understand the greatness of your gifts and talents and how all of you can achieve the 'highest place of honor' in the church and in the world.  One of your unique, precious, and sublime gifts is your femininity, with its natural grace, goodness and divinity.  It is the divine adornment of humanity.  It finds expression in your qualities of your capacity to love, your spirituality, delicacy, radiance, sensitivity, creativity, charm, graciousness, gentleness, dignity, and quiet strength."

He shared the counsel of a young mother to a group of young women, "...that goals should coincide with the joys of womanhood.  But, she said, the goals should not be so rigid and fixed that you do not listen to the whisperings of the Spirit.  Keep your hearts and minds open to know the overriding will of the Lord in your lives."

This guidance is key.  Not every one of us is going to have the cookie cutter life that we plan and dream for. We all have different opportunities and obstacles given to us to help us grow and learn and reach our eternal potential.  To plan is good, but being open to the guidance of the Spirit will ultimately lead to greater happiness.

After this guidance, President Faust gives a promise, "My dear young sisters, your future is bright.  It can exceed your fondest dreams and expectations.  Not everything that happens in your life will be as you have hoped and have planned.  But if you live so as to know the Lord's will, you will find peace in your soul and great happiness.  You will be among those who will enjoy 'the highest place of honor in human life.'"

To speak more of how we obtain this high place of honor, I use the words of Sister Margaret D. Nadauld, a former Young Women General President.  Her talk in October 2000 General Conference was titled, "The Joy of Womanhood."  She said, "Where much is given, much is required.  Our Heavenly Father asks His daughters to walk in virtue, to live in righteousness so that we can fulfill our life's mission and His purposes.  He wants us to be successful, and He will help us as we seek His help."

She also said, "Our outward appearance is a reflection of what we are on the inside.  Our lives reflect that for which we seek.  And if with all our hearts we truly seek to know the Savior and to be more like Him, we shall be, for He is our divine, eternal Brother.  But He is more than that.  He is our precious Savior, our dear Redeemer.  We ask with Alma of old, 'Have ye received his image in your countenacnes?'"

As we read in Alma 5, we can determine if we have received His image by answering to ourselves the following questions: Do ye exercise faith?  Can ye look up to God at that day with a pure heart and clean hands?  Have your works been the works of righteousness?

Sister Nadauld's words teach us that we need to exercise faith and follow the Savior.  That we can follow the admonition to "Be ye perfect" as we apply the atonement in our lives, seeking forgiveness for our wrongs, and also having the faith to move forward in righteousness.  To let go of all the petty, worldly temptations that keep us from behaving the way the Savior would have us do, and progress toward perfection making His will our own.

I would like to point out here that Sister Nadauld made many other wonderful points about how we can obtain the 'highest place of honor', but as time would not permit, I did not mention any others today.  I'll briefly mention a few of them here, and refer you to her talk.

She said that a woman grateful to be a daughter of God can be recognized  because, 'They care for their bodies as they would a holy temple." "...by their attitude......[they] love His children and minister to them, teach them the doctrines of salvation, call them to repentance, to guide them in the performance of His work, to deliver His messages." "Women who are grateful to be daughters of God bring glory to His name." "They fulfill their divine potential and magnify their God-given gifts."

And now, I could not speak on this topic without using Sister Julie B. Beck's words from her October 2007 General Conference address, "Mothers Who Know."  I don't want anyone to get hung up on the use of the word 'mother' because again, these are attributes we should all be striving to cultivate and support.

First, she said that mothers who know bear children.  "Mothers who know desire to bear children.  Whereas in many cultures in the world children are becoming less valued, in the culture of the gospel we still believe in having children.  Prophets, seers, and revelatiors who were sustained at this conference have declared that 'God's commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force.'  President Ezra Taft Benson taught that young couples should not postpone having children and that 'in the eternal perspective, children - not possessions, not position, not prestige - are our greatest jewels.'"

I can tell you that children are certainly becoming less valued in our society.  I cannot leave the house anymore with my children in tow without hearing some sort of comment made.  Eight times out of ten, this is negative.  The stares are no longer discreet, the whispers are audible.  There are outright rude and impertinent statements made.  There are also occasionally those who will give me the silent thumbs up, or offer to help me put my groceries in the car while I load the children.  I once had a sweet sweet woman notice me at Walmart, pushing one cart full of children while pulling another full of groceries.  She actually offered to leave her shopping to her husband and accompany me around the store and push a cart for me.  I once had another gentleman follow me halfway around Target, (I was rudely pretending not to notice as I was assuming I would hear more of the impertinent comments I was used to) to take the opportunity to compliment me on my family and reminisce about his own.  These moments are so appreciated.  It is saddening to me to notice that when I leave the house with just one or two of my children, I am complimented on how beautiful or well-mannered they are, but when I take them all, more often the comments are negative.   People assume that I become frazzled because of my children, but I will tell you, that as a mother of six I know what to expect of them when I take them out.  I am with them all of the time. I am not frazzled by their behavior, but I am frazzled at the things people are willing to say to perfect strangers, without even bothering to notice that the children they are speaking of are perfectly capable of hearing them and understanding as well. (I will note here that this was more detail than I went into over the pulpit.)

Sister Beck taught that the value women place on motherhood in this life, (and I emphasized here whether or not they have the opportunity to experience it) and the attributes of motherhood they attain here will rise with them in the Resurrection.  Women who desire and work toward that blessing in this life are promised they will receive it for all eternity, and eternity is much, much longer than mortality."

Next, she taught that mothers who know honor sacred ordinances and covenants.  "They know that if they are not pointing their children to the temple, they are not pointing them toward desired eternal goals.  These mothers have influence and power."

Sister Beck emphasized that mothers who know are nurturers.  "To nurture means to cultivate, care for, and make grow.  Therefore, mothers who know create a climate for spiritual and temporal growth in their homes.  Another word for nurturing is homemaking.  Homemaking includes cooking, washing clothes and dishes, and keeping an orderly home.  Home is where women have the most power and influence." She spoke of our homes as temples, quoting the dedicatory prayer of the Kirtland temple in D&C 109.  Verse eight reads, "Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing, and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God;"

Again, this is another area where our attitude is key.  If I as a mother am constantly complaining about the tasks associated with keeping our home - cleaning toilets, doing laundry, making dinner, etc. etc. what am I teaching my daughters?  Am I impressing upon them the importance of these tasks?  We may not think of these tasks at glorious or important, but in keeping our home a place where the Spirit can dwell, they certainly are.  We should take pride in making our homes a beautiful place for our family to be.  A place that they desire to be.

Sister Beck taught that mothers who know are leaders.  "They lead a great and eternal organization." I often hear women seeking more influence.  A calling, or a position that will give them the opportunity to do more than be "just a mother."  I think these women forget sometimes that the work we do shapes and influences generations.  What has more influence than that? "These mothers plan for the future of their organization. They plan for missions, temple marriages, and education.  They plan for prayer, scripture study, and family home evening.  These wise mothers who know are selective about their own activities and involvement to conserve their limited strength in order to maximize their influence where it matters most."

It is good and right to do many things in our lives.  But we need to consider that there are times and seasons for different things.

"Mothers who know are teachers.  [They] use family scripture study, prayer, family home evening, mealtimes, and other gatherings to teach."

"Mothers who know do less.  They permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally.  They allow less media in their homes, less distracton, less activity that draws their children away from their home."

There is so much to distract us anymore.  Much of it is good.  But we always need to be thinking in the 'good, better, best' mentality and seeking for that which is 'better' and 'best' for our families.

"Mothers who know are willing to live on less and consume less in order to spend more time with their children.  These mothers choose carefully and do not try to choose it all."

And finally, "Mothers who know stand strong and immovable.  We are led by an inspired prophet of God, (she was referring to Gordon B. Hinckley specifically here) who has called upon the women of the Church to 'stand strong and immovable for that which is correct and proper under the pan of the Lord.'"

Lastly as we srtive to uphold these principles and encourage them in others, let us as Ezra Taft Benson counseled, "Beware of pride."

C.S Lewis wrote in Mere Christianity, "It is the comparison that makes you proud."

As women we are constantly tempted to compare.  We seek security and validation, thinking that we must be "doing it right" if we're doing things the same way.  We either compare our worst to another's best or vice versa.

President Benson taught, "The proud make every man their adversary by pitting their intellects, opinions, works, wealth, talents or any other worldy measuring device against others.  The proud stand more in fear of men's judgement than God's judgement.  'What will men think of me' weighs heavier than 'what will God think of me?'"

He also said, "When pride has a hold on our hearts we lose our independence of the world and deliver our freedoms to the bondage of men's judgement.  The world shouts louder than the whisperings of the Holy Ghost.  The reasoning of men overrides the revelations of God and the proud let go of the iron rod."

"Our degree of pride determines how we treat our God and our brothers and sisters.  Christ wants to lift us to where He is.  Do we desire to do the same for others?"

I would encourage us to think about this as we try to lift and support each other in womanhood.  Gospel principles are eternal and unchanging, but individual adaptation may look different for each family as we are all unique and meant to have different life experiences.

I know that these principles are true and encourage you also to seek confirmation of this for yourself.